Learning About Myself

Two years ago I was hiking with two friends in the pouring rain on the side of a mountain in New Hampshire. We were a few hours into a two night backpacking trip and we were soaked through. For many people this experience would be hellish. It wasn’t for me. I knew we were well prepared and we were doing something that I love. It was the start of a great trip.

 
I spend a lot of time reflecting. I do this to work towards being my best self. I structure my life based on these learnings, making sure I satisfy my basic needs, do more of the things that give me energy, and limit my exposure to the things that steal my energy. Today, I would like to share what I have learned about myself. Maybe it will help you understand me a little bit better. Maybe it will inspire you to reflect on how to work towards your best self.

Our view from Zealand Cliff in the White Mountains, several hours after hiking in the rain. Photo by Jay Doyle.

The Basics

At the most basic level, I have learned that I am an introvert, with a strong sense of responsibility, and an ability to focus deeply. I have also learned I need some basic self care and structure to function well.

Introvert

While I really like talking to people, I can only do so for so long before I need some quiet time. The quiet time recharges me. My commute home often gives me that quiet time. When I don’t get some quiet time in my day, I end up exhausted and overwhelmed.

I recently attended an international conference, full of great ideas and better people. I spent each day soaking in the presentations and talking to people. At the end of the third day I was invited to dinner at a beer garden. It was tempting, however, I politely declined. Instead, I went back to the hotel, organized my thoughts from the day and decompressed. That quiet night left me ready to fully engage the next day. It was the right thing to do – for me.

Responsibility 

When I say I will do something, I try very hard to do it. It causes me pain if I am unable to meet my commitments. At the same time, it is easy to commit to too many things. Knowing this, I try to commit only to things that are both important and that I have time to complete. I often turn down otherwise interesting opportunities because of this, but it is worthwhile.

Focus

I can focus deeply on a topic for an extended period of time and I need some deep focus in my day. However, I can only focus on a small number of things at once. Very likely, you can hold more things in your head at one time than I can. As a result, I appreciate simple models, systems, and (programming) code. My hiking trip is an example of focusing on one activity for three days. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the view.

Care and Feeding

I live on a schedule with regular sleep and meals. If I miss either, I degrade rapidly. I also require regular quiet time for reflection, focus, and learning. I work very hard to protect my schedule, making sure I get good sleep, regular meals, and focused time.

My combination of introversion, responsibility, and focus helps me tackle hard problems and drive them to completion, provided I get my basic care.

Things that Give Me Energy

My reflections also help me understand which things in my life fill me with energy, so that I’m ready to take on the world.

I like to accomplish things. This can be setting a goal for myself and achieving it, making something (baking, woodworking, writing, …), or learning something new.

Even better than accomplishing something is getting better at something. I can do so much more afterwards! Help from others is great, since it speeds up my improvements. It can be direct advice, a tool (ask me about my ski gadget), a teacher, a strong example, or someone’s writing. In turn, I love sharing my learnings with others, helping them get better.

I also love (earnest) positive feedback on any of those things. The feedback shows that I’ve made someone happy and, maybe, they like me a little bit more. Even small bits of feedback have a disproportionate impact on my day. They also make me want to do more.

Things that Steal My Energy

Things that drain my energy make me want to curl up in the corner and take a nap, or go outside to rage walk. They fall into two broad categories: negativity/conflict and lack of control.

Negativity and Conflict

I don’t like conflict. It drains me. I want to make people happy and for them to like me.

I know people who live for the outrage and arguments of Twitter. I don’t and can’t. Due to my dislike of conflict, I shouldn’t be the ultimate quality gate on anything such as releasing software or launching rockets. I’ll tell you what I think, but if you then push on me…

General workplace negativity contributed to me leaving a job. Additionally, I have a thin skin for personal criticism. I do not like being told (directly or indirectly) that I’m not good at something. Yes, there are many things I am not good at, but it’s easy for me to feel attacked and end up defensive. I’m working on it.

Lack of Control

Due to my focus, responsibility, and need for schedule, I tend to plan. I can get amazing things done when given the space and time. My perceived level of control is very important. When I don’t feel in control, I get frustrated, annoyed, and tired.

Direct lack of control and overcommitment are two common cases. Lack of control happens any time something keeps me from shaping my day to day environment. For example, I’m dragged into a meeting when I thought I had a block of focused work time, or priorities keep changing (no, you need to work on X now. Wait, no, Y, Y has to be done now!)

Overcommitment is more subtle. It would still seem like I have control over what I am doing, but I don’t. I am now reactive, overloaded, and set up for failure. It may be several people in aggregate asking me to do more than fits into my day, or a single person. Or maybe I am just pushed to go too fast. When asked to go 10% faster than I can sustain, I don’t have time to focus and reflect, so I’m not doing my best work. I’m less productive and more frustrated.

Building a Better Me

When I am backpacking, there is plenty of time for my own thoughts. I am responsible for bringing everything I need (and not more), and there’s an extended opportunity to focus on one thing. Further, there is an incredible sense of accomplishment for covering the distance, summiting the peaks, getting to the views, camping in the backcountry, and getting back out. It is a hobby that fits me very well.

I would encourage you to learn more about yourself, so you can find work and hobbies that fit you very well. I hope my example inspires you in this direction. I also hope that it gives you more insight into me and people like me. Additionally, if you are interested in working with me, I explore the implications of this post on working with me in How To Work With David.

 

A special thank you to Cian and Alex for their feedback on an earlier version on this post.